Quaking Aspens in October.

I do a little hiking and photography when I actually wake up at a decent time of day. These are my favorite trees. The photos were taken in North Cheyenne Mt. Canyon.

Long time, no post.

Whoa, I have a blog? I had no idea. It has been a long hard 2 plus years since I wrote a damn thing. I had to tare down my whole life and build a new one. I realized that I was seriously ill with a spiritual sickness. Man that sounds like some lame hippy bullshit, but I happen to be a pretty lame hippy so I'm going to go with it. Anyway, I have a new life in Colorado Springs, 1600 miles away from my hometown. I'm still a food slave, just with a more scenic view. Back when I started this blog, I think I thought by now I would be done with college and married to my then boyfriend living all happily ever after. Until I realized that I have this problem with honesty, even with myself. It had rendered my life unmanageable. Everything spiraled out of control when another man came along and I did the right thing in the most wrong way possible. I had to tell the truth and hurt the man I thought I loved and was going to spend at least a large part of my life with. He went into a serious depression, painful denial, and attempts at suicide. It was terrifying that I could cause this. And it wasn't the first time a breakup had ended like this for me. I had two relationships end the same way. I became bored or resentful or uninterested, took comfort in the attention of other men, and was eventually found out by the significant other, sending them into psychosis. This was turning out the be the third time my relationship fell apart so extravagantly. How could this happen? How to I attract the same type of men over and over? I than asked this next question for the first time ever. Whats wrong with...me? That's right, I did something some people may never do, I took responsibility. I realized it was me, not these not-so-innocent victims the men I "loved" turned out to be. I had developed an unhealthy relationship pattern that had rendered my life unmanageable. Just like a drunk realizing it isn't the whiskey they have to blame, it's them, and there disease of alcoholism. Relationships were my whiskey. For a while I was almost homeless, But I some how managed to finish school at the end of the 2011 spring semester. I had lost contact with the other man, which was mostly thanks to him. I had realized I had a problem and had to break the cycle. I had to stop destroying any opportunity to be successful with my desperate need to not be alone. I had to find a power greater than myself and realize that no man would ever make me whole. I had to find that within me and my higher power. Once I became honest with myself, I would love to tell you life got easier; Everything was perfect; I lived happily ever after. It didn't. What happened is that I developed a real relationship with myself, not one dressed up in pretty lies. It was raw and sometime disgusting and very painful, but from it I grew so much. The other man came back into my life later that year. We slowly grew closer, which was a challenge for me, the whole slow thing. I would now not only call him my lover, but my best friend. We're on an adventure together. So far it has taken is to Colorado and up two 14000 foot mountains, and to a new level of honesty. I now realize that honesty is as essential to any relationship as love itself. We are a normal couple, we are not perfect. We fight and make up and disagree and fight some more. I know now that everything that happens was all part of a master plan that isn't mine, and I can only control my little piece of the puzzle. Life is so much about letting go, and as some say, letting "God." I'm not writing this as a conclusion. I still have a long long way to go, and I know I will never be free of this addiction. But if I stay honest, and remember that even when I am alone, I am never alone, I will keep the upper hand. I can be free if I let myself.

If you read this, and it sounds familiar, there are others like you who have fought the same battle, and we can help.

NeoAnnapolitain

So I've been here in Annapolis for about 5 months now. Long enough to fall in love with my new home town.

Being a born and bred Baltimorian, I was definitely skeptical of my own stubborn soul's ability to embrace a new, softer city. Baltimore is a tough ass town with a wickedly cool music and art scene. It is the center or all that goes on in the great state of Murland. Where you wanna go to party, where the Zoo and aquarium are, where some of my favorite museums and restaurants are. Wanna have a good time? come visit Baltimore. But if you are looking for a quiet comfortable place to live and raise a family, its a hit or miss down the old ratty residential streets of Bodymore.

Of Course, there are very desirable areas to live in and travel to in Charm City. But around the corner from every half a million dollar priced town home is the seedy underbelly of a struggling violent skid row. And its not like DC where you can pay a bum to watch your car. You wont have enough money left after you see the parking rates.

Now I know there are people in that city that are good, hardworking moral people. But there is an overwhelming majority of uneducated, drug hustling fools running the streets like they own this town. Disrespecting this town, other people, and though they are to blind to see it, themselves in the process. And because all these morons have decided that they don't need a real job or to pay taxes or the child support they never planned on paying, The hard working middle class that makes up a large majority of the taxes paid had to pick up their slack. But they can't possible cover all the societal damages caused by this new breed of city folk who is to busy living the bmore dream to care. drinkin forties and smokin blunts all day. what more is there to life?

So long story short the Mayor and her minions needed to come up with some way to close the giant budget gash thats been plaguing the city for the better part of the 2ks. One of those ways being a bottle tax. 2 cents a bottle. thats right two pennies. most of you have this under the seat of you car. Yet, this is causing a huge stir among residents and store owner.


ITS TWO FUCKING CENTS YOU COCK SMOKING ASSTARDS!!!! TO PAY FOR THE MESS YOU FUCKING MAKE WHEN YOU DECIDE RECYCLING OR EVEN LOCATING A TRASH CAN ON THE CORNER ISNT WORTH MAKING THE EFFORT!!!! IF YOU ARE TOO PO0R TO PAY A TWO CENT TAX INCREASE ON BOTTLES AND CANS, DRINK SOME WATER, ITS FREE FROM THE FAUCET.

I'm not rich. I am a waitress with no benefits trying to pay a mortgage who needs to save all I can. But the one thing I wont bitch about paying is taxes. actually I dont complain about paying anything because I think its rude and selfish. So as much as I love you Bmore, good riddance my former neighbors. I highly recommend annapolis to anyone who cant take it anymore.

My God be on your side Baltimore. I can't be anymore.

Broke my heart and our poured oil...

Last I'd heard, it had been about 65 days since the tragedy in the gulf started its killing spree. And you fucking stupid society you, still boycotting and pointing fingers and complaining the night away. Even though you should be SHUTTING THE FUCK UP! I said it once. I will say it forever. This is what they want you to do. I do believe that there are some people out there in DC working for us that are truly for the greater good, most of them are evil republican reptiles with ulterior motives. And they control everything. And they want us divided. The latter is easy to accomplish with the afore in play. This isn't apparent to everyone? I'm not that brilliant, how do I see it when so many seem oblivious?

I'm done bitching. I want anyone who, by the slightest chance, is reading this, to take some time and morn the loss of all the life in the deep murky depths of the clouds of crude. All the men working on the rig that day, and every animal that will succumb to a slow painful end. Realize that when they die, a part of all of us is gone. We truly are all connected and will all suffer from this somber turn of evens.

On the other hand, the eternal optimist in me knows that we control the way this will end. Even with all the hidden agendas floating around in Washington, there is no one who could possibly benefit from this not being resolved. We will Unite and overcome, because that is what we were born to do.

AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Mark Twain was a wise man. Obviously wiser then even most people currently.

Even with all the technological advances and concrete scientific proof we have to show how bad we have raped this beautiful planet, we still drill, chop and dig, clear, and build like we live on a lifeless rock with no other inhabitants but our measly selves.

Why is it so hard to look at the big picture? I'd hate to break this news, but unfortunately, we are all interconnected to the earth, each other, each animal, tree, cloud, rain drop, even the fucking trash you threw out last night. We are all the same thing. We are all driven and created by the same energy that comes from and goes back to the same place.

And one day,this planet, and all the things a-for mentioned, will all be gone together.

So by a composter, plant a tree, pick up some litter, hold the door for someone, and read a book about something you know nothing about. Make yourself better. The world will follow.

This is my blog!

I will post some stuff here! ...As soon as I have something appropriate and worth saying. Probably ranting about life and the government and most people. I'll say some nice stuff too. If you are reading this, thanks for waisting a little bit of your time with me.

Love,

Jess